Recently I realized that I was carrying a lot of baggage on my conscience. I would have these horrific nightmares about how I had ruined Peoples lives. I had no idea if it was true or just one of the voices in my head trying to get me to do something stupid to myself. However, I had some serious time on my hands to figure my problems with other people. No, that is wrong. It was not my problems with other people but instead how I had hurt some people along my life’s journey. I am not the kind of person that usually says he’s sorry.My philosophy has always been that if I said it I meant it at the time.

So with the help of Facebook I was able to reconnect with some of these people and apologize for any hurt I may have caused them. I still have a few to go, but I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my entire being. It is not important for them to accept my apology, although it is nice, but for me to make the effort to say how truly sorry I am. Now I still have a couple of people to apologize to and that is coming really fast, but I can only hope that it goes as well with the last 2 people as it has with the others that I have already spoken with.

You know I was raised in a time when men were suppose to be men. You take no shit, say exactly what was on your mind and to hell with other people’s feelings. You were never supposed to whine or cry, just suck it up buttercup and move along. I did it pretty well for these first 47 years, but I have seen how you can take someones ability to believe in themselves by saying the wrong thing or making somebody else feel like something you did was their fault or they caused it to happen.

I do not know if the last 2 will go as good as the first ones, but I can hope and know that I finally tried to do the right thing. I am also safe in the knowledge that saying your sorry does not make you less of a man, but more of a man and a better one. My wife even noticed the difference in me, She says that I seem happier and we are clicking better.  Well I have to go for now, but I will let you know how everything goes, oh and by the way connecting with the others to make my amends was great as I found out I still have friends who care.

Best Wishes for your futures

Blane O.

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