Amends II
A new beginning
It’s funny, I am laying here at 3:35 in the a.m. writing this and thinking how funny this has been. Do not get me wrong, I am not saying the idea or process was funny ha-ha, but instead funny in the way that the unexpected happens. I started this little journey to rid myself of some baggage, make myself happier and hopefully give some others a chance to say what they thought about my why, how, when and where’s of my past actions. When I started writing the first post I thought I had done all I was going to do but realized while typing that I needed to apologize to three more people before I could consider my job done. It was not easy for me to say what I wanted without having to search for the words, even though I had gone over what I was going to say in my head prior to apologizing.
That is exactly what I did and things in my life have improved drastically. As it turns out there was a common theme or maybe I should say reaction from everyone that I made my amends with. Not one of them remembered things that I did being as bad as I did. So, it would seem that all those bad things I have carried with me were more about me than them. It was more about how I knew what I was doing or saying at the time was wrong. It was about saying I’m sorry and getting that weight off me. It has made a noticeable difference in me. Even before the last few people my wife noticed how much happier I was and how much tighter our connection had become.
I know how crazy or unlikely it sounds that just saying I’m sorry can make you feel so different, but that is what it has done for me. It has also allowed me to reconnect with some friends and family members that may or may not be blood but are an ingrained part of me and always will be. I should also note that not one of these people ever gave up on me, even when I abandoned them. They have shown me kindness and seem truly happy to be reconnected or to just know that my connection to them is stronger. I have gotten back a friend of the truest kind, a sister without whom I am incomplete. My connection to my wife and mom seem stronger and better to me than ever before. So, while it may not work for everyone, for me it has greatly improved my life.
P.S.
I should point out that I did not apologize to every person with whom I have been hurtful or mean in my life as some people deserve exactly what they get. This was about the ones that did not.
Until my next post, live, love and be happy with yourself or kiss my ass I am going to be happy either way.
blaneodell 